ameliacarina:

how do you say ‘please talk to me more i crave your company’ to someone without sounding like a creep

condom:

don’t tell me to calm down I’ll throw a fucking desk at your face

goonsac:

[job interviewer voice] we found naked pictures of you during a quick google search for your name and we wish to inform you…… that your bod is slammin’ 10/10 you’re hired see you monday

"Look, the Pie!"
— Ancient proverb for defusing tense family situations (via shakeitallout)